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Feb. 21st, 2005 03:53 pmToday reeks of lethargy.
I woke up with a blazing fever, but I took some Motrin and a couple of vitamins and now, a few hours later, I feel a bit better. Even though I don't feel feverish, there's still some kind of implacable malaise hanging around, though. Like a fatigue, an unwillingness of my eyes to stay open. I don't know if that's the fever, or just me being me, or the fact that it's a dreary, snowy day.
Heh, yeah, it's snowing again. It's really funny, I always really liked snow, even when there was too much of it, but now it's just getting kind of depressing. I think it may be that I'm getting sicker and I need the sunshine to feel a little bit better about life... But this winter has put me down, bothered me more than I can ever remember being 'bothered' by winter in the past. I just wish it were over so that there could be warm wind and bike rides and the smell of blossoming gardens. But instead we got another snow storm...it feels so strange to consider the snow unwelcome.
While I was waiting for medicine to take effect, I rediscovered a book I had started on Friday. My mom had recommended it to me, it's called The Setting Sun and it was about postwar Japan. I finished it, it was really short and I found it...not particularly enjoyable, but rather enlightening. Talk about breaking stereotypes...it contradicted most everything that comes to mind when one things of reserved, polite, cheerful and resourceful Japanese. Very sad, it was.
After reading I drew a couple more pictures...and they came out decently. Katie and I have come up with a theory, based upon our own experience and the testimonies of other artists. Artistic skill comes in waves...causing one to have peaks of high inspiration and talent, followed by major depressing slumps, when nothing seems even mildly passable. (I don't see how manga artists manage, if this is true..imagine having a deadline loom during a slump, and be unable to produce anything! That must be horrific...) But anyway, I think I've been experiencing a peak the past few days, since I've been drawing a LOT, and have been generally pleased with the results.
I scarcely know if I dare, but I'm starting to consider myself an artist. I think it comes of being part of the Sheezyart community, where all types reside...of varying talents and trades, yet brought together by the title of 'artist' that they have assumed. It's so odd to think of myself as one of them--art in my family has always been a matter of a skill, something you had, or had not. Ever since I was really young, it was always my cousins Eric, and Nate, and myself. Eric had. Nate and I had not. And I think there is some manner of truth in that--even though Nate has persevered and expanded his abilities, there is still a visible quality to Eric's art that Nate can't attain, and I still can't quite place what it is. But I have always noticed it, even when I was young. I always assumed that that meant that Nate could never be an artist, and therefore, naturally, neither could I.
I know better, now. People can overcome all sorts of inborn lack of talent, and through practice and training and discipline, can achieve all manner of amazing things. But that still doesn't mean that I could be an artist.
It's true that ever since I started drawing as a hobby, my drawings have seemed to visibly improve, to myself, such that when I look at sketchbooks from a year, or even months ago, I'm appalled at what I once considered to be quality work. And I do continue to notice my own improvements...and I know that I have much to improve, but I think I have managed to amass some true skill. Mostly because I've been viewing a lot of other people's art on Sheezyart...and while some of it totally blows me away and will continue to do so...some of the other work seems amazing in its own right...and yet not totally beyond my grasp. I think I have reached a level of mediocrity in my work, from which I can continue to grow and learn...and that's very inspiring. To be proficient at something at which you have worked hard. To be able to think of yourself as okay, not in your own terms, but in terms of the work of others. That's how I'm beginning to feel, and it's wonderful, though I'm scared it may not be merited. All I can do is keep drawing and trying to learn. I love all my artistic friends who inspire me. ^_^
That ramble concluded, I feel oddly stripped of words...need to find something to do with myself. o.O Preferrably something that does involve moving.
Anyway. <3 you.
~Rai
I woke up with a blazing fever, but I took some Motrin and a couple of vitamins and now, a few hours later, I feel a bit better. Even though I don't feel feverish, there's still some kind of implacable malaise hanging around, though. Like a fatigue, an unwillingness of my eyes to stay open. I don't know if that's the fever, or just me being me, or the fact that it's a dreary, snowy day.
Heh, yeah, it's snowing again. It's really funny, I always really liked snow, even when there was too much of it, but now it's just getting kind of depressing. I think it may be that I'm getting sicker and I need the sunshine to feel a little bit better about life... But this winter has put me down, bothered me more than I can ever remember being 'bothered' by winter in the past. I just wish it were over so that there could be warm wind and bike rides and the smell of blossoming gardens. But instead we got another snow storm...it feels so strange to consider the snow unwelcome.
While I was waiting for medicine to take effect, I rediscovered a book I had started on Friday. My mom had recommended it to me, it's called The Setting Sun and it was about postwar Japan. I finished it, it was really short and I found it...not particularly enjoyable, but rather enlightening. Talk about breaking stereotypes...it contradicted most everything that comes to mind when one things of reserved, polite, cheerful and resourceful Japanese. Very sad, it was.
After reading I drew a couple more pictures...and they came out decently. Katie and I have come up with a theory, based upon our own experience and the testimonies of other artists. Artistic skill comes in waves...causing one to have peaks of high inspiration and talent, followed by major depressing slumps, when nothing seems even mildly passable. (I don't see how manga artists manage, if this is true..imagine having a deadline loom during a slump, and be unable to produce anything! That must be horrific...) But anyway, I think I've been experiencing a peak the past few days, since I've been drawing a LOT, and have been generally pleased with the results.
I scarcely know if I dare, but I'm starting to consider myself an artist. I think it comes of being part of the Sheezyart community, where all types reside...of varying talents and trades, yet brought together by the title of 'artist' that they have assumed. It's so odd to think of myself as one of them--art in my family has always been a matter of a skill, something you had, or had not. Ever since I was really young, it was always my cousins Eric, and Nate, and myself. Eric had. Nate and I had not. And I think there is some manner of truth in that--even though Nate has persevered and expanded his abilities, there is still a visible quality to Eric's art that Nate can't attain, and I still can't quite place what it is. But I have always noticed it, even when I was young. I always assumed that that meant that Nate could never be an artist, and therefore, naturally, neither could I.
I know better, now. People can overcome all sorts of inborn lack of talent, and through practice and training and discipline, can achieve all manner of amazing things. But that still doesn't mean that I could be an artist.
It's true that ever since I started drawing as a hobby, my drawings have seemed to visibly improve, to myself, such that when I look at sketchbooks from a year, or even months ago, I'm appalled at what I once considered to be quality work. And I do continue to notice my own improvements...and I know that I have much to improve, but I think I have managed to amass some true skill. Mostly because I've been viewing a lot of other people's art on Sheezyart...and while some of it totally blows me away and will continue to do so...some of the other work seems amazing in its own right...and yet not totally beyond my grasp. I think I have reached a level of mediocrity in my work, from which I can continue to grow and learn...and that's very inspiring. To be proficient at something at which you have worked hard. To be able to think of yourself as okay, not in your own terms, but in terms of the work of others. That's how I'm beginning to feel, and it's wonderful, though I'm scared it may not be merited. All I can do is keep drawing and trying to learn. I love all my artistic friends who inspire me. ^_^
That ramble concluded, I feel oddly stripped of words...need to find something to do with myself. o.O Preferrably something that does involve moving.
Anyway. <3 you.
~Rai
