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Interesting
Dec. 1st, 2008 10:51 pmInteresting how when I trace back in my mind, I see myself this time last year, catching trains to everywhere and anywhere, wishing just to disappear. To flee empty word documents soon to be inevitably filled with uninspired words. Scouring Googlemaps until all hours of the night, envisioning a better life, a refreshed life somewhere westward and new.
Interesting how things have changed, and yet they haven't. I'm still sitting in front of my computer, still staring down word documents, seeking escape and solace in procrastination. Except now I'm trying to be contented. I don't have to finish any essays for about a week now, and that's enough. The satisfaction of just sitting here, just being *here*, creating things; weaving bracelets from brightly colored threads, wooden beads, hemp twine. Part of me just wants to sit here all day and forget everything and everyone, and dream of the cities of California, an inspired life. I'll get there one day, a long long time from now.
I am in a very odd mood tonight. I want to sing, I want to learn to play the guitar better--achieve a skill I can be proud of. I want to create art, and play with colors and designs and emotion in illustrative form. I want to create complex woven patterns to be viewed with appreciation. I want to sew my own clothes, clothes that fit, not ones that pull in so tight and make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. And I want to express how I really feel, not just some literary approximation. I wish I knew how to properly describe it, so I'd stand a better chance of finding someone else who feels the same way.
Some creeper just knocked on my door, slammed on it when I didn't open it, and wouldn't say who they were. Way to ruin my zen >>; Oh well. Weird people at 11PM comes with the territory sometimes, I guess.
Interesting how things have changed, and yet they haven't. I'm still sitting in front of my computer, still staring down word documents, seeking escape and solace in procrastination. Except now I'm trying to be contented. I don't have to finish any essays for about a week now, and that's enough. The satisfaction of just sitting here, just being *here*, creating things; weaving bracelets from brightly colored threads, wooden beads, hemp twine. Part of me just wants to sit here all day and forget everything and everyone, and dream of the cities of California, an inspired life. I'll get there one day, a long long time from now.
I am in a very odd mood tonight. I want to sing, I want to learn to play the guitar better--achieve a skill I can be proud of. I want to create art, and play with colors and designs and emotion in illustrative form. I want to create complex woven patterns to be viewed with appreciation. I want to sew my own clothes, clothes that fit, not ones that pull in so tight and make me feel uncomfortable in my own skin. And I want to express how I really feel, not just some literary approximation. I wish I knew how to properly describe it, so I'd stand a better chance of finding someone else who feels the same way.
Some creeper just knocked on my door, slammed on it when I didn't open it, and wouldn't say who they were. Way to ruin my zen >>; Oh well. Weird people at 11PM comes with the territory sometimes, I guess.
