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California
Jul. 29th, 2010 06:26 pmI'm back from California, and it was teh win. Giulia's wedding was really fun, there were swords and nobody died, and I met a lot of really awesome awesome people. :3 Sarah, Daniel, and Brianna, among others, are three of my new favorite people.
I also felt myself functioning and eating a lot better, in spite of sickness (which sadly didn't go away) and also depression (which has been sort of hovering around behind me for the past 3 weeks and is a threatening presence even when it's not actively pressing on me). So that was really really awesome! Yay for a change of scenery.
I've also since achieved renewed inspiration on several fronts: growing vegetables (which I've just discovered will be possible next year because the UA has a plot available to students--whee!), knitting, especially more complicated things and on smaller gagues, and French. And also to a smaller extent fandom but not really. I think that seeing other people's inspiration and motivation for things is really key in my own drive to do things, which is part of why, with Andres, I struggled to even maintain my *own* motivation because he is often bored all the time and doesn't really have much drive for anything. And now I'm living with him next year, ahah. Happily, I think I'm much more grounded in my own convictions and motivations now (Guatemala helped with that), than I was at all at the time when we were actually dating.
Maybe I'll move to California one day. I think I'd really like to. While Santa Cruz and Scott's Valley (where Giulia and Daniel and the rest live) are way too rural and I think had I stayed any longer I'd have begun to feel trapped, Silicon Valley struck me as nice and pleasant and enjoyable even while I saw it through the eyes of a vague depressive fit. So maybe while happy and healthy it would really just be amazingly super awesome, you never know. I have another year to try to figure things out, anyway.
Three more weeks until Tucson. I know that furiously convincing myself that everything will magically be better when I get there is a mistake, because that's not true, and it won't be. It may in fact end up worse because I'll have *actual* commitments. But perceiving of it as a bright spot on the horizon and a turning point in the future is extremely important to my surviving until I get there...so a little self delusion, in this situation, I believe to be justified.
Also, I'm going to Maine tomorrow and staying til Monday. So if you wanna hang out next week maybe or the following weekend, let me know. :3
I also felt myself functioning and eating a lot better, in spite of sickness (which sadly didn't go away) and also depression (which has been sort of hovering around behind me for the past 3 weeks and is a threatening presence even when it's not actively pressing on me). So that was really really awesome! Yay for a change of scenery.
I've also since achieved renewed inspiration on several fronts: growing vegetables (which I've just discovered will be possible next year because the UA has a plot available to students--whee!), knitting, especially more complicated things and on smaller gagues, and French. And also to a smaller extent fandom but not really. I think that seeing other people's inspiration and motivation for things is really key in my own drive to do things, which is part of why, with Andres, I struggled to even maintain my *own* motivation because he is often bored all the time and doesn't really have much drive for anything. And now I'm living with him next year, ahah. Happily, I think I'm much more grounded in my own convictions and motivations now (Guatemala helped with that), than I was at all at the time when we were actually dating.
Maybe I'll move to California one day. I think I'd really like to. While Santa Cruz and Scott's Valley (where Giulia and Daniel and the rest live) are way too rural and I think had I stayed any longer I'd have begun to feel trapped, Silicon Valley struck me as nice and pleasant and enjoyable even while I saw it through the eyes of a vague depressive fit. So maybe while happy and healthy it would really just be amazingly super awesome, you never know. I have another year to try to figure things out, anyway.
Three more weeks until Tucson. I know that furiously convincing myself that everything will magically be better when I get there is a mistake, because that's not true, and it won't be. It may in fact end up worse because I'll have *actual* commitments. But perceiving of it as a bright spot on the horizon and a turning point in the future is extremely important to my surviving until I get there...so a little self delusion, in this situation, I believe to be justified.
Also, I'm going to Maine tomorrow and staying til Monday. So if you wanna hang out next week maybe or the following weekend, let me know. :3
