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arrowwhiskersWith everyone making retrospective posts I've been thinking a lot about 2008 and it just blows my mind how much has happened. Most of it has been people. I'm pretty sure I met Courtney and Jeff and John at the very beginning of this year...wow. And while I knew Justin and Pat beforehand, I think it wasn't til the new year that I really got to know them better. I can't believe it's only been a year. It feels like an eternity since I last called West F home. I can't believe all the images and memories and associations of Arizona have all been compiled over a period of a few short months. I can't believe that in March of this year, I didn't even know that I *would* be in Arizona. So much has changed. So much.
I feel really grateful for how things have turned out, though. I know I bitch and whine and am impossibly ungrateful but I really do think everything is for the best, I'm trying really hard to get a better outlook. And I've been compiling a list of things that I want to do better in 2009.
1. I want...to stop being so impatient and try to enjoy the here and now. This is not really going to just happen, but I'm putting it as a goal just so I can keep it in my mind. Try to be more invested in what I'm studying, rather than what I'd like to be studying, and in what life is, rather than what I think I'd like it to be. Since even if I think I'd sooner be doing something else, I'd probably be dissatisfied with that, too. Look more at the cool things about my life *as it is*. There are a bunch of them.
2. I WANT TO GET A REAL LIFE. I am so frustrated with my dependency upon technology, how so many hours of my life are spent online doing jack shit. I think a lot of what gives me the potential to be an interesting person is stomped out by this dependence on connectivity, and the constant flashy media destroys my focus on any given topic. I want to get back to more practical things, and in the new year I want to learn how to knit all sorts of things, and crochet all sorts of things, and I want to make my own skirts, maybe blouses too, and learn more about bikes, and more about solar energy, and new ways of weaving. I feel like I have creativity, within me, I just let myself be boring by getting distracted halfway through doing anything. I want to get reacquainted with *art*, and reinvite poetry into my life. Obviously I can't disconnect myself entirely, but I hope that I can call upon a reserve of self-control and police my involvement to pour more enthusiasm into things that are productive and real, like the crafts I have so recently discovered that I enjoy. I really, really need to invest myself in life's magic, rather than technology's mindless stupor.
3. Related to the above--I want to get involved with an actual alternative energy company. Over the summer I want to contact a solar provider in Massachusetts and see what options are like, both here and there. I really, really want to get an unpaid internship at a similar enterprise for credits one of the semesters before I graduate, and I need to really get myself out there and take initiative to learn more.
4. I want to stop buying so much shit and start saving money...really desperately. I need to start making a Guatemala fund, except at the moment all the money I have been making from work is going towards my rent. Since I'm working more hours next semester I am hoping to possibly be able to save some, though of course the concept of "saving" when I'm quite a bit in debt is sort of...shaky at best? I guess a decent goal would be to be more financially savvy, or at least try to be.
5. I want to be more healthy, and think more about nutrition. This means making sure that I eat at least one meal everyday at home, prepared myself, and that it is healthy, with vegetables and calcium. This is so important. I want to learn how to cook decently interesting things for myself, and it's hard, but I'm going to try. Also on the health front--I want to try to start running, and swim a bit when the weather gets better. Clearly climbing and biking aren't enough to keep me as fit as I'd like to be, I think especially in the fall living on campus, I want to set some time aside for jogging. I think feeling healthier would give me a better outlook. It's strange to feel motivated for cooking, haha, but I feel like it was sort of a long time coming, too.
So basically I feel like 2008 has been a lot of angst and confusion, though in equal part epiphanies about education, satisfaction, and health. And just...how the future is probably going to be just as much of a mess as the present, and how I'm also vaguely okay with that. I'm working on it...and it's always a work in progress. If I can get even 2/5 of these next year, or all of them at least in part, I think that I'd be doing pretty well. I guess to sum it up, my goals are just about being a more focused, and more genuine person. Which have basically been my goals for awhile, uhuhuu.
I feel really grateful for how things have turned out, though. I know I bitch and whine and am impossibly ungrateful but I really do think everything is for the best, I'm trying really hard to get a better outlook. And I've been compiling a list of things that I want to do better in 2009.
1. I want...to stop being so impatient and try to enjoy the here and now. This is not really going to just happen, but I'm putting it as a goal just so I can keep it in my mind. Try to be more invested in what I'm studying, rather than what I'd like to be studying, and in what life is, rather than what I think I'd like it to be. Since even if I think I'd sooner be doing something else, I'd probably be dissatisfied with that, too. Look more at the cool things about my life *as it is*. There are a bunch of them.
2. I WANT TO GET A REAL LIFE. I am so frustrated with my dependency upon technology, how so many hours of my life are spent online doing jack shit. I think a lot of what gives me the potential to be an interesting person is stomped out by this dependence on connectivity, and the constant flashy media destroys my focus on any given topic. I want to get back to more practical things, and in the new year I want to learn how to knit all sorts of things, and crochet all sorts of things, and I want to make my own skirts, maybe blouses too, and learn more about bikes, and more about solar energy, and new ways of weaving. I feel like I have creativity, within me, I just let myself be boring by getting distracted halfway through doing anything. I want to get reacquainted with *art*, and reinvite poetry into my life. Obviously I can't disconnect myself entirely, but I hope that I can call upon a reserve of self-control and police my involvement to pour more enthusiasm into things that are productive and real, like the crafts I have so recently discovered that I enjoy. I really, really need to invest myself in life's magic, rather than technology's mindless stupor.
3. Related to the above--I want to get involved with an actual alternative energy company. Over the summer I want to contact a solar provider in Massachusetts and see what options are like, both here and there. I really, really want to get an unpaid internship at a similar enterprise for credits one of the semesters before I graduate, and I need to really get myself out there and take initiative to learn more.
4. I want to stop buying so much shit and start saving money...really desperately. I need to start making a Guatemala fund, except at the moment all the money I have been making from work is going towards my rent. Since I'm working more hours next semester I am hoping to possibly be able to save some, though of course the concept of "saving" when I'm quite a bit in debt is sort of...shaky at best? I guess a decent goal would be to be more financially savvy, or at least try to be.
5. I want to be more healthy, and think more about nutrition. This means making sure that I eat at least one meal everyday at home, prepared myself, and that it is healthy, with vegetables and calcium. This is so important. I want to learn how to cook decently interesting things for myself, and it's hard, but I'm going to try. Also on the health front--I want to try to start running, and swim a bit when the weather gets better. Clearly climbing and biking aren't enough to keep me as fit as I'd like to be, I think especially in the fall living on campus, I want to set some time aside for jogging. I think feeling healthier would give me a better outlook. It's strange to feel motivated for cooking, haha, but I feel like it was sort of a long time coming, too.
So basically I feel like 2008 has been a lot of angst and confusion, though in equal part epiphanies about education, satisfaction, and health. And just...how the future is probably going to be just as much of a mess as the present, and how I'm also vaguely okay with that. I'm working on it...and it's always a work in progress. If I can get even 2/5 of these next year, or all of them at least in part, I think that I'd be doing pretty well. I guess to sum it up, my goals are just about being a more focused, and more genuine person. Which have basically been my goals for awhile, uhuhuu.
