arrowwhiskers (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
arrowwhiskers) wrote2010-07-29 06:26 pm
arrowwhiskers) wrote2010-07-29 06:26 pm
California
I'm back from California, and it was teh win. Giulia's wedding was really fun, there were swords and nobody died, and I met a lot of really awesome awesome people. :3 Sarah, Daniel, and Brianna, among others, are three of my new favorite people.
I also felt myself functioning and eating a lot better, in spite of sickness (which sadly didn't go away) and also depression (which has been sort of hovering around behind me for the past 3 weeks and is a threatening presence even when it's not actively pressing on me). So that was really really awesome! Yay for a change of scenery.
I've also since achieved renewed inspiration on several fronts: growing vegetables (which I've just discovered will be possible next year because the UA has a plot available to students--whee!), knitting, especially more complicated things and on smaller gagues, and French. And also to a smaller extent fandom but not really. I think that seeing other people's inspiration and motivation for things is really key in my own drive to do things, which is part of why, with Andres, I struggled to even maintain my *own* motivation because he is often bored all the time and doesn't really have much drive for anything. And now I'm living with him next year, ahah. Happily, I think I'm much more grounded in my own convictions and motivations now (Guatemala helped with that), than I was at all at the time when we were actually dating.
Maybe I'll move to California one day. I think I'd really like to. While Santa Cruz and Scott's Valley (where Giulia and Daniel and the rest live) are way too rural and I think had I stayed any longer I'd have begun to feel trapped, Silicon Valley struck me as nice and pleasant and enjoyable even while I saw it through the eyes of a vague depressive fit. So maybe while happy and healthy it would really just be amazingly super awesome, you never know. I have another year to try to figure things out, anyway.
Three more weeks until Tucson. I know that furiously convincing myself that everything will magically be better when I get there is a mistake, because that's not true, and it won't be. It may in fact end up worse because I'll have *actual* commitments. But perceiving of it as a bright spot on the horizon and a turning point in the future is extremely important to my surviving until I get there...so a little self delusion, in this situation, I believe to be justified.
Also, I'm going to Maine tomorrow and staying til Monday. So if you wanna hang out next week maybe or the following weekend, let me know. :3
I also felt myself functioning and eating a lot better, in spite of sickness (which sadly didn't go away) and also depression (which has been sort of hovering around behind me for the past 3 weeks and is a threatening presence even when it's not actively pressing on me). So that was really really awesome! Yay for a change of scenery.
I've also since achieved renewed inspiration on several fronts: growing vegetables (which I've just discovered will be possible next year because the UA has a plot available to students--whee!), knitting, especially more complicated things and on smaller gagues, and French. And also to a smaller extent fandom but not really. I think that seeing other people's inspiration and motivation for things is really key in my own drive to do things, which is part of why, with Andres, I struggled to even maintain my *own* motivation because he is often bored all the time and doesn't really have much drive for anything. And now I'm living with him next year, ahah. Happily, I think I'm much more grounded in my own convictions and motivations now (Guatemala helped with that), than I was at all at the time when we were actually dating.
Maybe I'll move to California one day. I think I'd really like to. While Santa Cruz and Scott's Valley (where Giulia and Daniel and the rest live) are way too rural and I think had I stayed any longer I'd have begun to feel trapped, Silicon Valley struck me as nice and pleasant and enjoyable even while I saw it through the eyes of a vague depressive fit. So maybe while happy and healthy it would really just be amazingly super awesome, you never know. I have another year to try to figure things out, anyway.
Three more weeks until Tucson. I know that furiously convincing myself that everything will magically be better when I get there is a mistake, because that's not true, and it won't be. It may in fact end up worse because I'll have *actual* commitments. But perceiving of it as a bright spot on the horizon and a turning point in the future is extremely important to my surviving until I get there...so a little self delusion, in this situation, I believe to be justified.
Also, I'm going to Maine tomorrow and staying til Monday. So if you wanna hang out next week maybe or the following weekend, let me know. :3
no subject
Silicon Valley (well, San Jose, as that's the only city I've been to) is pretty nice. If you do decide to move to California, I'll move up there with you. :)
no subject
Yeah, California is amazing. If you want a big city with the cool Santa Cruz vibe with more...stuff, San Fransisco is really really rad. It has amazing neighborhoods (I think you would really dig the Mission) and a rapid transit system as well as decent busses/trolleys. Silicon Valley is too full of strip malls and concrete for my liking though. I actually hope I end up in SF eventually.
Also, I have been in my own depressive fit, which is so disheartening. It's so hard to feel that way during the summer! I have no advice, considering I'm stuck here too, but you have my sympathy and a big hug. I hope you find your way out soon!
<3
no subject
I looooove San Francisco, my only complaint is that it's a little cold...all the time, but it's definitely worth it. I wanted to visit SF this past time I was out there but I didn't end up getting my shit together. There will always be another time though, and yeah...moving to San Francisco would be like. A dream, hee. :)
I'm really sorry to hear that you're dealing with depression too, but I saw your update and it sounds like life is at least proving interesting. It's really great to hear from you again! Definitely hang in there too, there's awesomeness in life for us yet, I'm sure, we just have to find it. :) <33