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Dec. 18th, 2005 10:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arrowwhiskersToday started interestingly. I fell asleep crying, and woke up still crying. Yesterday was a daze of Anna's impending move, procrastinated college junk, strange convos with old friends, and intoxicated adults laughing uproariously downstairs. All in all, there was much angst and little clarity of thought.
So I woke up to my mom saying 'okay, I'm going to Maine and taking the car, bye.' This was more upsetting than it had to be, being I was already feeling vile, but it also meant that a) I have to walk to school tomorrow and b) I wouldn't be able to go to the movies with Anna, on her last fucking day in my existence. So I went back to bed and sulked, and spent the next few hours moping around and being very NOT productive.
Then I got a shock when Katherine called, saying that her mom had preordered tickets to see Brokeback Mountain in Brookline, and I was coming, wasn't I? I guess I gave the false impression that I had been committed to going, since I really hadn't felt that strongly that I'd be able to. It was a huge surprise, but the guilt over wasting a ticket prodded me to take them up on their offer and go.
This was a very, very big decision. It doesn't seem like it, and even if I explained it probably wouldn't seem like a very big deal to normal people. I'm not going to explain the details of the mental aspect of my illness, but I'll suffice to say that the decision to go to a movie far from home with a group of people while on experimental meds...was one of the hardest and scariest ones I've made all year. And it's December fucking 18th, so 'this year' is really saying something. The last time I made a daring decision like that, it backfired HORRIBLY, but this time it actually worked out really well. While I feel really conflicted about going to the cinema with Katherine and co. and NOT with Anna, I'm really glad I managed it.
I got a sense of my old life, the way things used to be before I started going crazy as well as sick. It gives me hope...and I enjoy hope... :3
Anyway, about the movie. I have extensive and rambling thoughts about it, and while I'm not going to mention the major spoiler, there may be a few little ones mixed in. If you want to see it, I'm not sure how much you do/don't want to know. :P So I'll LJ cut this just in case.
There are two types of good movies, I think. There are the type that are good because they keep you riveted to your seat, soaking in every detail and relishing every moment of it. You go into it thinking 'this is going to be an amazing movie' and you leave thinking 'I wasn't disappointed'. Then there is a more subtle variety, which may seem to drag, or not be what you thought or expected--and yet it gets under your skin, and keeps you thinking about it for a long time after.
Brokeback Mountain is definitely the latter. As I watched it, I was a little put off by the seemingly haphazard pacing, and distinct lack of direction or plot. The characters were frustrating in their sparse interaction, and it was just plain -irritating- that their relationship never seemed that solid, or secure. The characters definitely loved eachother, but they never really had a 'relationship'.
So, leaving the theater, I felt a little deflated. I suppose I had hoped for just a little more fluff. I had definitely been expecting a smoother plotline. However, the more I think back on it, and consider the characters, the more I realize how real the characters were. And their situation, that was real too. The movie isn't satisfying since it's true to life, and life is a mess, it's haphazard, it's not fair, and it's not satisfying. The movie showed this perfectly. I have a weird squickly feeling when I think about how few things worked out.
Fact. The movie was a tragedy. An angsty tragedy, but actually, remembering back to the beginning, it had a rather lighthearted start. As the sexual tensions blossomed between the two men, Carol and Elisabeth and I were constantly giggling to ourselves about the (sub)text, and the general audience definitely found hilarity in several scenes. My favorite moment in the entire movie, in fact, occured in a cloud of awkwardness the day after the characters had had really abrupt, on-the-fly sex. The two cowboys couldn't seem to come to grips with what they'd apparently done together, but still found themselves edging physically closer. Finally, they were face to face, wordless and trembling, as if unsure what to do or how to react--or really, if it would be alright to react. Then finally, the more confident of the two whispered a barely audible 'it's alright', and the two descended into kissing. I think a piece of me died from the sweetness of that. X) However, as the story progressed, we found less and less to squee about, and fell into riveted observation of the tide of events that would buffet the two men and destroy all their chances of happiness. That's one thing that stood out--you wouldn't want to be any one of the characters, because all of their lives were simply made of torment and vain dreams of happiness. Not even remotely just those of the two men. In fact, I think I felt the most heartbroken in bearing witness to the plight of the wife of one of the cowboys. Sad feelings, all around.
Basically, it's a great movie, though not ostensibly or immediately so. The goodness creeps up on you, hangs with you, and makes you wonder about the characters later and consider them both inside and outside the context of the story. It's not a film I'd want to watch again -right away-, but perhaps after I've had time to ruminate on it a little more. It is SO worth seeing, in any case. To those who saw it too-- do you agree with me? I'd be interested to know your opinions beyond the initial "Wow, that was really sad."
Anyway, going to see that ate my afternoon and left me sleepy. Which means I'm going to have to mail Anna her going away bracelet, having had no opportunity to make it and walk it over to her house. ._. I can't think about that too much though, because it's too depressing. I must now focus on college apps and calculus!study.
Mmm, calculus. Nawt.
So I woke up to my mom saying 'okay, I'm going to Maine and taking the car, bye.' This was more upsetting than it had to be, being I was already feeling vile, but it also meant that a) I have to walk to school tomorrow and b) I wouldn't be able to go to the movies with Anna, on her last fucking day in my existence. So I went back to bed and sulked, and spent the next few hours moping around and being very NOT productive.
Then I got a shock when Katherine called, saying that her mom had preordered tickets to see Brokeback Mountain in Brookline, and I was coming, wasn't I? I guess I gave the false impression that I had been committed to going, since I really hadn't felt that strongly that I'd be able to. It was a huge surprise, but the guilt over wasting a ticket prodded me to take them up on their offer and go.
This was a very, very big decision. It doesn't seem like it, and even if I explained it probably wouldn't seem like a very big deal to normal people. I'm not going to explain the details of the mental aspect of my illness, but I'll suffice to say that the decision to go to a movie far from home with a group of people while on experimental meds...was one of the hardest and scariest ones I've made all year. And it's December fucking 18th, so 'this year' is really saying something. The last time I made a daring decision like that, it backfired HORRIBLY, but this time it actually worked out really well. While I feel really conflicted about going to the cinema with Katherine and co. and NOT with Anna, I'm really glad I managed it.
I got a sense of my old life, the way things used to be before I started going crazy as well as sick. It gives me hope...and I enjoy hope... :3
Anyway, about the movie. I have extensive and rambling thoughts about it, and while I'm not going to mention the major spoiler, there may be a few little ones mixed in. If you want to see it, I'm not sure how much you do/don't want to know. :P So I'll LJ cut this just in case.
There are two types of good movies, I think. There are the type that are good because they keep you riveted to your seat, soaking in every detail and relishing every moment of it. You go into it thinking 'this is going to be an amazing movie' and you leave thinking 'I wasn't disappointed'. Then there is a more subtle variety, which may seem to drag, or not be what you thought or expected--and yet it gets under your skin, and keeps you thinking about it for a long time after.
Brokeback Mountain is definitely the latter. As I watched it, I was a little put off by the seemingly haphazard pacing, and distinct lack of direction or plot. The characters were frustrating in their sparse interaction, and it was just plain -irritating- that their relationship never seemed that solid, or secure. The characters definitely loved eachother, but they never really had a 'relationship'.
So, leaving the theater, I felt a little deflated. I suppose I had hoped for just a little more fluff. I had definitely been expecting a smoother plotline. However, the more I think back on it, and consider the characters, the more I realize how real the characters were. And their situation, that was real too. The movie isn't satisfying since it's true to life, and life is a mess, it's haphazard, it's not fair, and it's not satisfying. The movie showed this perfectly. I have a weird squickly feeling when I think about how few things worked out.
Fact. The movie was a tragedy. An angsty tragedy, but actually, remembering back to the beginning, it had a rather lighthearted start. As the sexual tensions blossomed between the two men, Carol and Elisabeth and I were constantly giggling to ourselves about the (sub)text, and the general audience definitely found hilarity in several scenes. My favorite moment in the entire movie, in fact, occured in a cloud of awkwardness the day after the characters had had really abrupt, on-the-fly sex. The two cowboys couldn't seem to come to grips with what they'd apparently done together, but still found themselves edging physically closer. Finally, they were face to face, wordless and trembling, as if unsure what to do or how to react--or really, if it would be alright to react. Then finally, the more confident of the two whispered a barely audible 'it's alright', and the two descended into kissing. I think a piece of me died from the sweetness of that. X) However, as the story progressed, we found less and less to squee about, and fell into riveted observation of the tide of events that would buffet the two men and destroy all their chances of happiness. That's one thing that stood out--you wouldn't want to be any one of the characters, because all of their lives were simply made of torment and vain dreams of happiness. Not even remotely just those of the two men. In fact, I think I felt the most heartbroken in bearing witness to the plight of the wife of one of the cowboys. Sad feelings, all around.
Basically, it's a great movie, though not ostensibly or immediately so. The goodness creeps up on you, hangs with you, and makes you wonder about the characters later and consider them both inside and outside the context of the story. It's not a film I'd want to watch again -right away-, but perhaps after I've had time to ruminate on it a little more. It is SO worth seeing, in any case. To those who saw it too-- do you agree with me? I'd be interested to know your opinions beyond the initial "Wow, that was really sad."
Anyway, going to see that ate my afternoon and left me sleepy. Which means I'm going to have to mail Anna her going away bracelet, having had no opportunity to make it and walk it over to her house. ._. I can't think about that too much though, because it's too depressing. I must now focus on college apps and calculus!study.
Mmm, calculus. Nawt.
