BEING OUT OF SHAPE IS BULLSHIT.
Apr. 27th, 2008 09:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arrowwhiskersSo today I got home from Maine (wtf family semi-randomly going there for a weekend?), and realized that I feel (and have felt) like 100% shit emotionally, psychologically, AND physically for quite a while now. Why?
I think it's seriously because the past like 2 months I have been getting like no exercise at all. I've been noticing that I'll be *walking* and not want to walk anymore since it feels like a pain or an effort. EW. NO. I am NOT this lazy. It's obscene.
So today I finally escaped from our damn car and played DDR for an entire 2 hours, and it was disturbing. I was doing really badly on songs, feeling really slow and overtaxed on "difficult" level songs, which is standard mode for most DDR games. And I mean, I know I have a cold, and I know I've been sort of idle, but it was RIDICULOUS. I don't think I've ever let my body go this much before in my life, and it's like NO WONDER I feel like crap. Today my ribcage has been rattling with a constant icky cough and I have been moody and gross and felt dizzy all day but even *then* being physically exhausted and even more dizzy after exercising has made me feel better than I did before. It's as though, I may feel crappy, but I also feel proactive and my body feels like it's not falling into plain mush...and that's just so, *so* important.
I've decided that I don't care if I'm sick, or busy, that's no excuse not to exercise. I mean, I understand why things got this way, what with exams and the friggen NEU meal hall offering nothing edible except cookies and snacks. But that's in the past now, and I'm determined it's never going to get this bad again. I wish I could go rock climbing. There's nothing I want to do more right now than climb.
But in the meantime, I'm going to play DDR everyday until I gasp for breath, and I'm going to take bike rides every nice day after work, and work my body until I collapse. And I think I'll enjoy it. I legitimately think that this is what it will take to feel better about my life and stop angsting over silly things.
I also noticed that I've neglected, in addition to my health, my greatest love: Spanish. So that's my other goal, besides being active...getting serious about actually learning more rather than just letting what I do know languish. I'll have to come up with a more comprehensive study plan for that later.
Just...eugh. I can't believe the state I've allowed myself to fall into.
Anyway...while in Maine, I had the pleasure of some nice conversations with my cousin Eric. He asked about music. Somehow, he got me to admit to having a Youtube account, and he insisted upon watching ALL the videos I have uploaded there while I curled up in the corner of his room and died of embarrassment.
Eric is a great musician. He has integrity in that he plays the sort of music that he himself respects and enjoys most of all, and if he can't, then he works on it. I'm not like that...I play stuff cause it's easy and fun, and because I get a kick out of it--I'm not a musician, and I don't even really consider myself to be able to play the guitar.
So that's why it was so horrifying to me that he'd watch my videos and see how untalented I am, musically. But it's also why it meant a lot when he actually seemed legitimately impressed. He said he enjoyed them. He said he found them inspiring...and that's just, such a novel concept to me, that someone that *I* respect as a musician would not at all begrudge my lack of skill...that someone as talented as he is would have the ability to look beyond mere talent and reaffirm that enjoying oneself is much more important than making an impressive technical video.
It was just...really touching, having a real artist look at my work and tell me, earnestly, that he thought I should be up on a stage somewhere, singing for people--that he thought that I'd found a little musical niche that was good enough and that people would actually enjoy it. This from an incredible jazz guitarist. I was just so dazzled, because y'know, I actually did believe him.
I dunno, it just seems like Eric has always had this integrity to him, like he's a really simple guy who does what he does really well and is able and willing to give an unadulterated, simple opinion that seems to shoot my tendency to overthink things right out of the water.
It made me happy.
I think it's seriously because the past like 2 months I have been getting like no exercise at all. I've been noticing that I'll be *walking* and not want to walk anymore since it feels like a pain or an effort. EW. NO. I am NOT this lazy. It's obscene.
So today I finally escaped from our damn car and played DDR for an entire 2 hours, and it was disturbing. I was doing really badly on songs, feeling really slow and overtaxed on "difficult" level songs, which is standard mode for most DDR games. And I mean, I know I have a cold, and I know I've been sort of idle, but it was RIDICULOUS. I don't think I've ever let my body go this much before in my life, and it's like NO WONDER I feel like crap. Today my ribcage has been rattling with a constant icky cough and I have been moody and gross and felt dizzy all day but even *then* being physically exhausted and even more dizzy after exercising has made me feel better than I did before. It's as though, I may feel crappy, but I also feel proactive and my body feels like it's not falling into plain mush...and that's just so, *so* important.
I've decided that I don't care if I'm sick, or busy, that's no excuse not to exercise. I mean, I understand why things got this way, what with exams and the friggen NEU meal hall offering nothing edible except cookies and snacks. But that's in the past now, and I'm determined it's never going to get this bad again. I wish I could go rock climbing. There's nothing I want to do more right now than climb.
But in the meantime, I'm going to play DDR everyday until I gasp for breath, and I'm going to take bike rides every nice day after work, and work my body until I collapse. And I think I'll enjoy it. I legitimately think that this is what it will take to feel better about my life and stop angsting over silly things.
I also noticed that I've neglected, in addition to my health, my greatest love: Spanish. So that's my other goal, besides being active...getting serious about actually learning more rather than just letting what I do know languish. I'll have to come up with a more comprehensive study plan for that later.
Just...eugh. I can't believe the state I've allowed myself to fall into.
Anyway...while in Maine, I had the pleasure of some nice conversations with my cousin Eric. He asked about music. Somehow, he got me to admit to having a Youtube account, and he insisted upon watching ALL the videos I have uploaded there while I curled up in the corner of his room and died of embarrassment.
Eric is a great musician. He has integrity in that he plays the sort of music that he himself respects and enjoys most of all, and if he can't, then he works on it. I'm not like that...I play stuff cause it's easy and fun, and because I get a kick out of it--I'm not a musician, and I don't even really consider myself to be able to play the guitar.
So that's why it was so horrifying to me that he'd watch my videos and see how untalented I am, musically. But it's also why it meant a lot when he actually seemed legitimately impressed. He said he enjoyed them. He said he found them inspiring...and that's just, such a novel concept to me, that someone that *I* respect as a musician would not at all begrudge my lack of skill...that someone as talented as he is would have the ability to look beyond mere talent and reaffirm that enjoying oneself is much more important than making an impressive technical video.
It was just...really touching, having a real artist look at my work and tell me, earnestly, that he thought I should be up on a stage somewhere, singing for people--that he thought that I'd found a little musical niche that was good enough and that people would actually enjoy it. This from an incredible jazz guitarist. I was just so dazzled, because y'know, I actually did believe him.
I dunno, it just seems like Eric has always had this integrity to him, like he's a really simple guy who does what he does really well and is able and willing to give an unadulterated, simple opinion that seems to shoot my tendency to overthink things right out of the water.
It made me happy.
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no subject
Date: 2008-04-28 02:06 am (UTC)I nearly cried.
I'm okay with being a lazy ass, though, its in my character. If it upsets you, I'd be glad to get some DDR in with you some time :D
no subject
Date: 2008-04-28 06:03 am (UTC)LJ doesn't like keeping me logged in lately
no subject
Date: 2008-04-28 05:09 am (UTC)I haven't played DDR in ages. I used to be able to do 8 foot songs but I know if I tried now I'd be able to do like, only 3 or 4 foot. :(((
And awww, it's awesome that you got validation from a real musician. ♥