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Today has helped me realize that I really, really love teaching English. I mean, I always knew I loved it, but I think that my understanding of it now runs deeper and clearer and I have so much more focus.
( Sevice Learning )
I left the ILC just feeling so elated by the experience, similar to how I'd felt when Diego waved at me and it just makes me realize how working with ESL makes me feel so legitimized and alive. On the way back to my dorm, I was sollicited by a couple of Mormons, and for possibly the only time in my life, I didn't feel harrassed. They were just standing along Huntington Ave in the bitter cold, approaching people...basically the biggest SHIT JOB ever, but they were really, really friendly about it. Did I have any curiosity about God? they asked me. No, I told them, but they smiled and said that if they could serve me in any way, they'd still like to, and despite the fact that I seemed to be an already fulfilled person, if I ever had any questions I should take their card, just because their religion had so positively impacted their life. They smiled at me, and I just felt good intentions flowing from them. ANd I got this sense that, it didn't even really matter to them if I found god, or if I found THEIR god, they just wanted everyone to be happy and this was the way that THEY had found to be happy so they were spreading it as much as they could in the only way they knew how.
I never really saw missionaries like that before. People who just legitimately want other people to be happy. I could see it in the way that they looked at me, that they could see the glow from me, because they weren't sollicitous, they weren't preachy, they could see my happiness and they just wanted to see if they could help. I want to help people too, I wanted to tell them. I want to smile at people and have them smile back and feel good about themselves and learn something new in their lives. I wouldn't necessarily do it like you do, but there are so many legitimate ways of helping people. There's so many legitimate ways to be happy. The thing that makes me remember them fondly is that I think, in the end, they would understand and appreciate that.
I don't know. There are so many thoughts running through my head that I don't know how to describe. But basically...I am a happy person. Sometimes little things cause me to forget that, but at my core, I'm happy. I guess I've been so miserable lately that I've started to forget the important facts of my life. So I decided to do something that I haven't done in ages, not since I was really ill--I drew a smiley face on my hand. Because I am *happy* right now, and tomorrow, when everything hella sucks, I will be able to look at the smiley face there, tangible proof that happiness exists, that I felt it, and that it's noted in ink, a visible defiance of transient pain that may prove, at some points, more compelling.
I am barely making sense to MYSELF at this point though, so I think I better bring this ramble to a close.
( Sevice Learning )
I left the ILC just feeling so elated by the experience, similar to how I'd felt when Diego waved at me and it just makes me realize how working with ESL makes me feel so legitimized and alive. On the way back to my dorm, I was sollicited by a couple of Mormons, and for possibly the only time in my life, I didn't feel harrassed. They were just standing along Huntington Ave in the bitter cold, approaching people...basically the biggest SHIT JOB ever, but they were really, really friendly about it. Did I have any curiosity about God? they asked me. No, I told them, but they smiled and said that if they could serve me in any way, they'd still like to, and despite the fact that I seemed to be an already fulfilled person, if I ever had any questions I should take their card, just because their religion had so positively impacted their life. They smiled at me, and I just felt good intentions flowing from them. ANd I got this sense that, it didn't even really matter to them if I found god, or if I found THEIR god, they just wanted everyone to be happy and this was the way that THEY had found to be happy so they were spreading it as much as they could in the only way they knew how.
I never really saw missionaries like that before. People who just legitimately want other people to be happy. I could see it in the way that they looked at me, that they could see the glow from me, because they weren't sollicitous, they weren't preachy, they could see my happiness and they just wanted to see if they could help. I want to help people too, I wanted to tell them. I want to smile at people and have them smile back and feel good about themselves and learn something new in their lives. I wouldn't necessarily do it like you do, but there are so many legitimate ways of helping people. There's so many legitimate ways to be happy. The thing that makes me remember them fondly is that I think, in the end, they would understand and appreciate that.
I don't know. There are so many thoughts running through my head that I don't know how to describe. But basically...I am a happy person. Sometimes little things cause me to forget that, but at my core, I'm happy. I guess I've been so miserable lately that I've started to forget the important facts of my life. So I decided to do something that I haven't done in ages, not since I was really ill--I drew a smiley face on my hand. Because I am *happy* right now, and tomorrow, when everything hella sucks, I will be able to look at the smiley face there, tangible proof that happiness exists, that I felt it, and that it's noted in ink, a visible defiance of transient pain that may prove, at some points, more compelling.
I am barely making sense to MYSELF at this point though, so I think I better bring this ramble to a close.
