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On politeness.
Jun. 18th, 2008 06:13 pmI observed something today, and I can't seem to get it out of my head.
I walked to Dunkin' Donuts on the way home, hoping for some iced coffee. When I got there, I wasn't entirely sure if I should get a doughnut for my brother/if I wanted one myself/what kind that might be, etc, so I let the person who came in behind me go ahead of me in line.
She was a strange old lady, and she made a really broken order. She didn't seem to know how to explain what she wanted, and kept on saying "but I want it to be berry flavored. You have berry flavor, right? Iced, and berry." and a few muttery things in between, but they weren't really distinct, and didn't seem important.
Finally, it was determined that she wanted a berry iced coffee, and the girl at the counter went to make it. THe lady peeked her head around the corner and started getting angry, saying that she had asked the lady to use gloves, and why wasn't she using them? She'd asked very specifically.
Whoah, I thought. Someone who is more obsessive than I am...and I'm pretty paranoid about germs getting on my food.
Then she turned to me and continued her diatribe. Nobody uses gloves when I ask them to use them! Why don't they just do what I ask? I KNOW she can understand me... (She didn't curse, but there is seriously no other way that I can convey the anger and spite and sharpness of the conversation and her tone of voice other than to say that her words came off like profanity) I could understand her rant, but she was just...so *angry* and *rude* and honestly, I'm sure she had mentioned something about gloves, but I personally hadn't heard it. Maybe the cashier hadn't either, because honestly from the most I got from the conversation was that the berry flavor was *very* important.
Then everything became clear: when the girl finally brought the lady her coffee, she continued ranting and paid angrilly, finally saying, "I have AIDS. You don't want my AIDS, and I don't want your germs. I don't want to get sick, I'm already sick." She looked at me as though she wanted me to say something, but I had absolutely no response. She continued muttering under her breath and left the store.
And like...honestly? Everything she did and said made perfect sense. It must get totally frustrating and draining to tell people to be more cautious or mindful of germs, and see them not do it. It must be so easy to get bitter and angry, and yes, aggravated and resultantly rude. But you would also think that after awhile you would get used to the fact that you have to be very clear about the fact that you want someone to use gloves (instead of being offhand about it), and being at least courteous about asking. Starting an order by saying "I have a health condition and would sooner you use gloves.." ..you'd think this would be second nature. I feel for that woman, I really do, but she handled the situation terribly.
On the way home I kept juggling the circumstances in my head, and my sympathies kept switching from the cashier to the woman, and back again...and I have come to one conclusion...no matter how sick or whatever you are, there is no reason to be impolite. There is no reason to yell at someone, or to rant at them, or to make their life harder because of YOUR problem. Yes, she had a right to ask the woman to use gloves, and yes, she had the right to repeat that when she didn't.
But she had no right to be rude. When it comes down to it, I find it very hard to sympathize with her completely. And this is just really weird, cause I never thought I would be unable to sympathize with a woman who has AIDS.
I dunno, really. Thoughts?
I walked to Dunkin' Donuts on the way home, hoping for some iced coffee. When I got there, I wasn't entirely sure if I should get a doughnut for my brother/if I wanted one myself/what kind that might be, etc, so I let the person who came in behind me go ahead of me in line.
She was a strange old lady, and she made a really broken order. She didn't seem to know how to explain what she wanted, and kept on saying "but I want it to be berry flavored. You have berry flavor, right? Iced, and berry." and a few muttery things in between, but they weren't really distinct, and didn't seem important.
Finally, it was determined that she wanted a berry iced coffee, and the girl at the counter went to make it. THe lady peeked her head around the corner and started getting angry, saying that she had asked the lady to use gloves, and why wasn't she using them? She'd asked very specifically.
Whoah, I thought. Someone who is more obsessive than I am...and I'm pretty paranoid about germs getting on my food.
Then she turned to me and continued her diatribe. Nobody uses gloves when I ask them to use them! Why don't they just do what I ask? I KNOW she can understand me... (She didn't curse, but there is seriously no other way that I can convey the anger and spite and sharpness of the conversation and her tone of voice other than to say that her words came off like profanity) I could understand her rant, but she was just...so *angry* and *rude* and honestly, I'm sure she had mentioned something about gloves, but I personally hadn't heard it. Maybe the cashier hadn't either, because honestly from the most I got from the conversation was that the berry flavor was *very* important.
Then everything became clear: when the girl finally brought the lady her coffee, she continued ranting and paid angrilly, finally saying, "I have AIDS. You don't want my AIDS, and I don't want your germs. I don't want to get sick, I'm already sick." She looked at me as though she wanted me to say something, but I had absolutely no response. She continued muttering under her breath and left the store.
And like...honestly? Everything she did and said made perfect sense. It must get totally frustrating and draining to tell people to be more cautious or mindful of germs, and see them not do it. It must be so easy to get bitter and angry, and yes, aggravated and resultantly rude. But you would also think that after awhile you would get used to the fact that you have to be very clear about the fact that you want someone to use gloves (instead of being offhand about it), and being at least courteous about asking. Starting an order by saying "I have a health condition and would sooner you use gloves.." ..you'd think this would be second nature. I feel for that woman, I really do, but she handled the situation terribly.
On the way home I kept juggling the circumstances in my head, and my sympathies kept switching from the cashier to the woman, and back again...and I have come to one conclusion...no matter how sick or whatever you are, there is no reason to be impolite. There is no reason to yell at someone, or to rant at them, or to make their life harder because of YOUR problem. Yes, she had a right to ask the woman to use gloves, and yes, she had the right to repeat that when she didn't.
But she had no right to be rude. When it comes down to it, I find it very hard to sympathize with her completely. And this is just really weird, cause I never thought I would be unable to sympathize with a woman who has AIDS.
I dunno, really. Thoughts?
