Goals

With everyone making retrospective posts I've been thinking a lot about 2008 and it just blows my mind how much has happened. Most of it has been people. I'm pretty sure I met Courtney and Jeff and John at the very beginning of this year...wow. And while I knew Justin and Pat beforehand, I think it wasn't til the new year that I really got to know them better. I can't believe it's only been a year. It feels like an eternity since I last called West F home. I can't believe all the images and memories and associations of Arizona have all been compiled over a period of a few short months. I can't believe that in March of this year, I didn't even know that I *would* be in Arizona. So much has changed. So much.

I feel really grateful for how things have turned out, though. I know I bitch and whine and am impossibly ungrateful but I really do think everything is for the best, I'm trying really hard to get a better outlook. And I've been compiling a list of things that I want to do better in 2009.

( Vague Goals )

So basically I feel like 2008 has been a lot of angst and confusion, though in equal part epiphanies about education, satisfaction, and health. And just...how the future is probably going to be just as much of a mess as the present, and how I'm also vaguely okay with that. I'm working on it...and it's always a work in progress. If I can get even 2/5 of these next year, or all of them at least in part, I think that I'd be doing pretty well. I guess to sum it up, my goals are just about being a more focused, and more genuine person. Which have basically been my goals for awhile, uhuhuu.

A little bit of Spanish

After my final exam I didn't even want to THINK about Spanish anymore, but it's started to creep back into my consciousness and bring warmth with it. I rediscovered this passage from an excerpt of "Nada" by Carmen Laforet, one of those my class read this past semester:

No sé a qué fueron debidas aquellas fiebres, que pasaron como una ventolera dolorosa, removiendo los rincones de mi espíritu, pero barriendo también sus nubes negras. El caso es que desaparecieron antes de que nadie hubiera pensado en llamar al médico y que al cesar me dejaron una extraña y débil sensación de bienestar. El primer día que pude levantarme tuve la impresión de que al tirar la manta hacia los pies quitaba también de mí aquel ambiente opresivo que me anulaba desde mi llegada a la casa.

( Translation under cut )

It's sort of like...how I feel now. Not exactly on a health front, since I kind of slept all day, did nothing, and still feel icky..hah, but more in general, I think it is an image of anyone kind of finding their place and having things click in the wake of a wave of adversity, be it perceived or real. I bolded the little peice since that's the snippet that really sticks in my mind, pero barriendo también sus nubes negras. It's such a powerful image of...the calm, after the storm. When you sweep all the dark clouds away, what is left is a sunny day, during which you may be weak, but there is now nothing left but to enjoy the sunshine and a gentle recovery.

I think/hope this has meaning for me on a health front, too. This week has turned me upside down, but almost literally, the clouds that were here earlier in the week have moved on, and tomorrow is another sunny Arizona day.