The plot thickens.

[arrowwhiskers]

This has not been my week. It just hasn't. Today has been the worst day this week, even worse than Tuesday. I went back to school today and saw all my friends, so it should have been a therapeutic, optimistic, recovery day. It was, kinda. I was so happy to see Carol and Danny and Bear and Katie and Giulia and everyone else again, and in psychology we watched this cool movie about this teacher teaching hands-on discrimination. She essentially staked brown eyed children against blue eyed ones. And Mr. Duranceau was merciful and didn't make me take the chemistry test, so I sat and drew kitties while my class writhed in agony around me. I don't seem to be that behind in any classes except chemistry and English, which is amazing considering I was basically out for three days.

What made today so vile is that the French people aren't coming. There was a conflict with their administration, and payment deadlines, and AirFrance, or something, and it didn't work out, so it's not going to happen. That's more than just a disappointment...the exchange program was really the only thing I was looking forward to! Like, at all! It was a beacon of excitement and hope and inspiration in my future, and it was just extinguished, just like that. How can they do that? Not just to me, but to everyone in the class, to the French students! Poor them! ...But I'm mostly sorry for myself. I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I've been in eager anticipation of this for months. I suppose I could ask Olivia to visit over the summer, but as if that's going to happen. And it's not as fun as having a bunch of French people wandering around AHS. There's no replacement for that! We were all so ready, and it was for nothing. I'm having a hard time thinking of another reason to persist in life. @_@ I'm too unhealthy to really plan anything fun anymore...and with my personal life aside, it's just school school school. And then there's the summer, and then it's work work work work. And then more school. I needed my little light in the distance to keep me motivated. -___- I need to find another reason to live. Anyone know how to pluck raisons d'être out of the clouds?

Okay. I am calm. Caaaaaallm. Happy thoughts.

...Yeah. We read some of le Petit Prince in French class today, which made me interested enough to want to reread it. I haven't read it since I was eight, so I didn't much remember the story. It's really sad...but really good. Totally worth the half hour it takes to read.

We're going out to dinner tonight, supposedly. Delayed version of Isaac's birthday dinner outing thing. That might be kinda fun at least. I'm feeling physically better at the moment, even though Matty whomped me in the head pretty badly afterschool and that had me out of it for a little while. All I did was make a snide comment...Matty, chill out, man. >.>;;

I'm too depressed to write anything else, so I may go absorb myself in the Gundam Wing DVD that Carol lent me. I also have a lot of new drawings, some of which are decent, so I'll be uploading those later too if I'm not too lazy. Yeah.

Happy thoughts...

Comments

[evilsimon.livejournal.com]

...if I finally get the picture of Kurama as somewhere between a ripped-off prostitute and an avenging angel (a la All Bets Are Off, only because of someone else...keke...) out on paper, will that give you incentive to survive? *pokes* your survival is a Good Thing.

ooh, I know about that movie -- blue eyes vs brown eyes dealie? I think it's shown in the psych class here, and now I REALLY want to take it. just for that movie. really. ^^;;

[arrowwhiskers.livejournal.com]

Kurama prostitute sounds intriguing. >>

Oh, and the movie isn't worth taking psychology for. The version we had was all old and junked up and really lame.

"Jimmy, why did you punch Carl?"
"He...he made fun of me..."
"What'd he say?"
"He called me...brown eyes. ;____;"

...That's possibly the best part of the film. Not worth the excitement. You could probably yoink it from the classroom, huddle somewhere with a TV, watch, and return it without anyone noticing--very short.

Not like I'm trying to discourage you from taking psychology. Psychology is cool.

[evilsimon.livejournal.com]

aww. i heard it was cooler. like lord of the flies meets genetics.

i can draw the face just fine. smudgymakeupkurama. it's the goddamn pose that i can't get to gel!

[arrowwhiskers.livejournal.com]

Sounds like a different video. >.> Now I'm curious.

[napoleonofnerds.livejournal.com]

I'll work on my Monty Python french accent, then come over to your house if it will help. And you could always go accost the french freshman.

But seriously, raisons d'être?

First of all, us. Me and Giulia and Matt and Bear and Carol and everybody.

Second, to improve or increase __________. Just choose what goes in the blank. Money, prestige, art, knowledge, whatever. Set some goals. Stop saying your art is crap and take compliments and criticism. when people like me, who look at a lot of art and should know, give them.

Third...damn. I would tell you to pray, but that's not in your character at all. Hmm...how about feeling productive? A couple afternoons/mornings/times a week you and I will learn Esperanto and speak it, or something. Something like that.

We can talk about all this in person if you like. Remember that we all love you and want you to survive. Even Tara, and there was a time when she claimed not to love anything human.

[arrowwhiskers.livejournal.com]

*pats* All good reasons, and thanks.

Need...motivation. Get it together! ... *palm-forehead*

I wish I could feel productive at will. 0.O

I'll probably be more cheerful if/when my health stablizes. Mahaha.

And I know I have love, and I'm very, very grateful for it. ^_^ I love you all back, too.

What I'm basically trying to say is thanks. ^^ No French accent required...yet.

[evilsimon.livejournal.com]

THE ESPERANTO POLICE, YO.

*points up* what has been said.

[arrowwhiskers.livejournal.com]

MI ESTAS POLICANINO DE ESPERANTO

VI ROMPIS JURON! MI KAPTOS VIN!

>__>;;; Veeeere.