A perplexing Question

[arrowwhiskers]

Okay, so last night was sooo great. And just...awesome. So it definitely merits documentation and such like that...eventually. Right now, I'm just seeking opinions and insight.

So today I was commuting home on the train, and it was the beginning of rush hour so the space was quite cramped with people. I therefore found myself standing in rather close quarters to a man. He was a rather nondescript man...muscular, sporting a dour expression...

For lack of anything else to look at, I found myself reading a bracelet he had around his wrist. It read "Captain Robert"...something..."For Iraqui Freedom". and then it had tour dates, or whatever. Basically, he was a returned soldier. It made sense then, looking at him...he had a strong build, conservative dress, a crew cut, and his expression seemed a little haunted for just a train ride home. I had formerly read it as dour but eh. His hands also seemed to compulsively twitch and he flexed them almost constantly, which was another detail I hadn't noticed before.

I wanted to say something to him. My first inclination was to say "Congratulations, soldier"...but then my stop came before I got up the nerve. I regretted my shyness, really feeling that I should have said something. But the more I thought about it...what would I be congratulating him for? Doing his job? "Freeing the Iraquis"? Coming home alive when maybe some of his friends hadn't?

...It doesn't really fit, when you think about it. But I'm unsure what else you could say. "Good job" and "Thank you" seem inappropriate, because I personally am not in favor of the war. I find it strange that it should be so difficult to come up with a simple way to express "I admire your bravery and commitment even though I don't support the cause". Any words of appreciation sound like support foremost of the ideal, with the individual a far secondary consideration.

So can anyone think of what I might or should have said, if anything? It's okay if you don't have an answer or think just staying silent was right--I'm mostly interested in people's thoughts on this.

Comments

[namelessw0nder.livejournal.com]

Your observations amaze me. I wouldn't have even thought to say anything, probably.

[napoleonofnerds.livejournal.com]

He went and stood around with our flag on his chest so people could kill him.

It don't matter, say thank you anyway.

I have an alternate theory, though. You will often see Jews who wear a bracelet with the name of a person who died in a terrorist attack in Israel. Perhaps what you saw was a memorial to the name of a person who isn't around to hear your thanks.

[julleri.livejournal.com]

Good point. I can't think of a way to succinctly say something to the idea of "I admire your bravery and commitment even though I don't support the cause".

I would have remained silent, as you did, personally.

-Jason :)

[arsinyk.livejournal.com]

I would have stood there trying to figure out how to say what I wanted to say until it was too late. I have trouble figuring out how to express that sentiment online to people I'm currently in a conversation with, much less a random stranger on the train.

Really, "I admire your bravery and commitment even though I don't support the cause" is the best phrasing I can come up with. Maybe open by him asking if he was a returned soldier and then say exactly what you mean: I admire your bravery and commitment even though I don't support the cause. And try to make your facial expression/tone of voice/etc convey that you really, really, really respect and admire him.

Though that took way longer to think out than I'd ever come up with on the train and I probably wouldn't have the guts anyways.

[moldybagel.livejournal.com]

Why even bother mentioning that you don't support the cause? If you're going to say anything, say something positive. Even putting aside that it's awkward to say you admire someone for doing something you think is wrong, it's a backhanded compliment.

You're not a politician trying to get out a specific point of view. If you say something to a soldier without any prompt, it's best to say you admire him/her, and then thank him/her for serving your country. It's more of an issue of tact than accuracy.

[arsinyk.livejournal.com]

That's true. I guess having just read Rai's post I had the "...even though I don't support the cause" part already in my head, though you're right that it's probably better to just not mention that.

[moldybagel.livejournal.com]

I understand, and I think that your reasoning works perfectly if you're writing an article or something of that nature. It only breaks down if you're actually talking to him/her in person.