Wanderlust: On not having a boyfriend
Aug. 10th, 2008 07:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
arrowwhiskersMost of the time, if I think about how single I am (and always have been), I start to feel inadequate, and lonely, and broodish. But at the same time, I was just thinking that there are some parts of being single that I really appreciate, and would definitely miss were I to become attached.
The most major one is freedom, really. In terms of being tied down anywhere...I'm not--not really. I mean, I have my family here in MA, but they have their own lives and while they're happy to be near me and support me when they can, close proximity is in no way a necessity; not for themselves, nor for me. And I don't really have any other physical commitments to anyone at all.
Which means that really, I can go anywhere I want. My only restrictions are logistics (mostly money), and my own mental barriers, which I do believe I may overcome with time. I have already committed to hurling myself across the country, and I fully expect to do so many more times assuming I live long enough. If I actually reflect upon this sense of freedom, I discover that it is legitimately a part of my perception of the future, of happiness.
I am going through a sort of tumultuous period, mentally...concerning life direction and motivations and goals and turning my old perceptions and expectations on their head. I haven't really written about it because I haven't had the words--but basically everything I was once devoted so strongly to has become so evanescent. I no longer feel dedicated to one path, to doing *one thing*--honestly, I do feel like I could end up doing anything and generally be content. I do want to move around though. I want to live and experience many different places, I know that for sure. I think that's the only thing that I do know, that I *do* want for sure anymore. And who knows--as a goal, that may too disappear. But at the moment, I'm happy with it.
So in general, I guess, I'm really pretty happy that there is nobody around to love me--nobody around to calm my dizzy wanderlust and tie me down to earth.
The most major one is freedom, really. In terms of being tied down anywhere...I'm not--not really. I mean, I have my family here in MA, but they have their own lives and while they're happy to be near me and support me when they can, close proximity is in no way a necessity; not for themselves, nor for me. And I don't really have any other physical commitments to anyone at all.
Which means that really, I can go anywhere I want. My only restrictions are logistics (mostly money), and my own mental barriers, which I do believe I may overcome with time. I have already committed to hurling myself across the country, and I fully expect to do so many more times assuming I live long enough. If I actually reflect upon this sense of freedom, I discover that it is legitimately a part of my perception of the future, of happiness.
I am going through a sort of tumultuous period, mentally...concerning life direction and motivations and goals and turning my old perceptions and expectations on their head. I haven't really written about it because I haven't had the words--but basically everything I was once devoted so strongly to has become so evanescent. I no longer feel dedicated to one path, to doing *one thing*--honestly, I do feel like I could end up doing anything and generally be content. I do want to move around though. I want to live and experience many different places, I know that for sure. I think that's the only thing that I do know, that I *do* want for sure anymore. And who knows--as a goal, that may too disappear. But at the moment, I'm happy with it.
So in general, I guess, I'm really pretty happy that there is nobody around to love me--nobody around to calm my dizzy wanderlust and tie me down to earth.
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no subject
Date: 2008-08-11 03:36 am (UTC)Normally, it's kinda like a dream, like you still live your life, but there just happens to be a person who makes you insanely happy or comforted when you're around them. That's how it was for me at least. I was free, and I was happy.
PS: We all love you. Dork :p
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Date: 2008-08-12 04:11 am (UTC)I think some of this entry came from something Robin said once--that she might want to study abroad somewhere (I think they're opening up a limited time Cuba exchange she wanted to go on), but she said that it was unduly complicated now that she had a boyfriend and "had to take that into account"...like, she has to now consider that if she were to study there, she'd have to abandon him and be away from him for 6 months. Which...admittedly is more unthinkable for Robin and Jeremy than I think it would be for me, but the point stands. The truth is that it makes a new factor in how one makes decisions. While that may not necessarily limit spontaneity and freedom, it seems to me that it might be somewhat likely to, if only a little bit.