Okay, I'm starting to feel like I'm stalking you and it's creeping me out. If you don't want the Spanish proofreading project I've been trying to offer you please just say so and I'll stop asking. If you haven't gotten any of my previous messages it's only because I have no blipping idea what I'm doing. The fact that your journal has Danish (?) menus doesn't help much : )
I haven't been responding because I have NO idea how you got my LJ/phone number/whatever else, and at first I thought you were a spambot. Where did you get my contact info? :S
The condensed version: iPhone on vacation at the lake, search for Joni doing "Carey" live. Your video pops up. Hey, nice! More of your videos pop up. More Joni! Cat Stevens! Get home, Google arrowwhiskers to see what it could possibly mean. Click on a link and your LJ page pops up. I have no idea what this is. Start reading, noodling around in the archives a bit, and a bit more. Hey, neat young lady. Totally by coincidence, my business gets a Spanish-language online course project. I have a copyeditor but no proofreader. I need a proofreader, Rai The Linguist needs money ... It's a freelance project, a job, not a handout, and at the moment it's a one-shot deal. To be blatantly corny about it, I admire your courage and determination and think you deserve a break. That's it. I'm sorry if that sounds creepy or downright unbelievable, but I assure you I'm serious and have no ulterior motives. Let me know what you think. At any rate, thanks for replying : )
Yes but I also received a text about this. How did you get my *phone number*? I am sorry to be interrogating but I am just vaguely creeped out that you found me so thoroughly. While I appreciate you trying to help me out, I think for that reason I'm going to have to decline. Also, I am only in Spanish level 5, and so for something like proofreading that involves finding little errors, I'm definitely not qualified. Whenever I am using something with a Spanish translation and it is wrong, I always wonder why the company didn't find a Spanish speaker to look over it. So while I would like to help you, I'll have to decline. Thanks, though.
But I actually *don't* have your phone number -- I wondered why you first mentioned that -- and I've never in my life sent a text message to anyone. At least not knowingly. I AIMed you once, Jabbered you once, and LJ-Messaged you once before the comment. Apparently one of the first three got sent to your phone as a text message, but I honestly have no idea how or why. Besides, if I really did have your phone number I would've just called and saved myself all that trouble. I'm not trying to hide anything -- my name, address, and phone number are right there on the SLM web site I pointed you to. Hell, you can call the house and talk to my wife and kids if you'd like. About the project -- I appreciate your honesty, but you wouldn't be performing without a net. You'd just be comparing Word docs and GIFs to what's on the screens to make sure all the content is there and there are no bad (i.e., un-Spanish) line breaks. The copyeditor, Araceli, would be available if you had any questions re the Espanol and my daughter Angie who usually does this task would be available for help with the procedure. She's created a checklist I would send you along with the course materials when they're completed. I'd suggest you at least take a look at it before declining. In any event, I hope you don't mind if I continue to read your LJ entries and cheer from the bleachers. I must've read a hundred so far and not once have you ever yet blamed anyone else for your problems or had an unkind word to say about anybody. That would be remarkable under any circumstances, but in the current Culture of the Victim it's damn near miraculous. And then you go and buy that bottle of water for the guy passed out on the sidewalk! It'd be very hard not to like you and wish you well : )
To be completely blunt and honest, I would prefer that you didn't read my journal--it's very hard for me to understand why a random stranger would find my daily life and thoughts interesting, and it makes me feel sort of stalked. My journal is primarily intended to network with and keep in touch with my friends who know me in real life, and for myself to organize my own thoughts. Even the thought of internet strangers or others outside that bubble reading it--for example, my parents even--doesn't sit well with me.
That said, I can't exactly stop you. So if you feel like you get something out of reading my entries, go ahead, I guess. Also, I thank you for your offer, but I still can't accept it.
I'm sorry for having to respond this way, because you have not been unkind or threatening--but growing up in a culture of paranoia I can't help but feel off about it. I've dealt with a couple too many creepers on the internet before. Not that you're necessarily one of them, but you have to understand my caution and unease. I hope that you can understand it and see it's nothing personal.
Wow. I sincerely believed you fully expected "random strangers" to be reading and reacting to your entries. It never crossed my mind that anything posted online could even remotely be considered *private.* I'm terribly sorry if I spooked you in any way. I hope you realize that was never my intent. Thanks for the songs and everything I've learned about through you over the past month. As per your request, I will not be back. Live long and prosper : )
Thanks for being so understanding and gentlemanly about this whole thing--it occurs to me, looking back, that I did overreact. I just have had really weird/bad experiences on the internet before, and since I thought someone had gotten my phone number somehow without my knowing it, it kind of reawakened old paranoia and that's why I snapped at you.
So anyway, sorry about that. You are welcome to read my journal. :)
Yeah, I suppose you do deserve an explanation. It's just that about a year? (maybe two) ago, I started a correspondence with an older gentleman such as yourself, and it was really great at first, we had a lot to talk about and he was gaining my trust when suddenly he started asking me for my address randomly so he could send me things, and I said I wasn't sure I wanted to give it to him yet, and so then he started acting really strange--guilt tripping me and scolding me and it turned into threats, and I got really scared and my ONLY comfort in the whole thing was that he didn't have much way of finding me.
So when you first contacted me, and I wasn't sure of your motives, it was really jarring that you first off know what I look and sound like (from Youtube), and that you probably have a good idea where I am and how to find me from reading my journal. So when you seemed to take such a pronounced interest and have all these myriad ways of contacting me without my even knowing, it reminded me of the previous incident and I freaked out. Thanks for taking it in stride, I hope the situation makes more sense in that light. :)
Whoa. That's a scary story. No wonder you reacted the way you did. Thanks for explaining.
Everything else you say is true -- I appeared out of nowhere and bumbled my way into your online life. (I still have no idea how AIM and Jabber work.) You're absolutely right to be careful. I couldn't possibly be offended by that.
As for me knowing about you from your journal: I'll be happy to tell you anything about me you'd like to know. You'll probably fall asleep reading it, but I'll be happy to tell you.
What I'd really like to know from you: Is Rai pronounced "ray" as in rain or "rye" as in Thai?
And, please, what the heck are arrowwhiskers? Are they like porcupine quills?
Rai as in rye bread. I'm not sure how it came to be that way, since my real name is Rachel, but there you go.
Also, arrowwhiskers means exactly nothing. xD Arrow is an old alias, that I obtained when I nearly killed a camp counselor during an archery event (by accident of course). I've been using it online ever since.
The whiskers part...I have no idea. It seemed like a cute word? Reminds me of kittens. <3
Thanks for the explanation. The "arrow" story is hilarious.
I've been thinking about your original reaction to my reading your journal. As in, "I don't get it -- why?" Even though I think you're since reassured that my interest is strictly benign, I think I owe you a better explanation of why I'm so enthralled.
1. The obvious: you have an immensely engaging and articulate narrative voice. I've read novels that weren't nearly as well written. Really.
2. As previously mentioned: you're thoroughly honest and always take responsibility for what's happening to you. And I still haven't come across a single instance where you're judgmental or unkind. You're quite simply exceedingly likable and extremely easy to sympathize/empathize with.
3. It's the thoughtful chronicle of a voyage of self-discovery. As in, "Who the hell am I?" I think it's this part that resonates most with me.
I think in life we tend to define ourselves by the roles we're forced to play -- usually as a result of the decisions we make, but not always. Son or daughter, sibling, friend, co-worker, parent. We evaluate ourselves fulfilling those roles. As in, "Crap, why did I say that? I'm not a very good friend." Obviously, though, none of those roles encompasses the totality of who we are. Yet we hardly ever end up asking ourselves, "What kind of a me am I? And what's his/her purpose?"
My writing project is a journal being written by a man who's losing his memory and is frantically trying to understand who he was/is before his "self" disappears. (Are we really just our memories?) While trying to record for posterity what he considers meaningful he goes on an intellectual quest to discover what knowledge is and why anything at all has meaning, all while sequestered alone in a house with a huge library, the books of which were apparently selected for this purpose.
I confess that, even though I'm not losing my memory -- no more than your average fifty-five-year-old, anyway -- there's a large autobiographical component about OCD ("Who am I if I'm NOT what I'm thinking?") and so on. And the library is real.
I posted a rah-rah comment about your first day of work but then removed it. As you correctly implied, I'm not one of your friends; and it felt wrong to act like I am. Sorry about that. I was/am sincerely happy for you, though. Naturally.
I'm up to June of last year in the archives.
I'd like to send you some lighter-hearted stuff I wrote a dozen years back about books and language for my now-defunct online zine, SIGNUM, all in PDF. I think you'd enjoy them. How can I do that without compromising you? Do you have an ftp client? I can post some files for you on a site my biggest customer has set up for me and my people to use on their projects. I just don't want to post the address and password in a comment. Will a message to you be appropriately confidential?
Of course if you're not interested that's completely okay. I won't be offended. I can imagine that you'd much rather be doing homework : )
*shrugs* you can comment if you want, I don't mind. I'm just really bad about answering comments, most of the time.
Also, I'd love to read it. You can either send me the link through LJ or you can just email it if you want, my email is silentforatime@hotmail.com
It is just kind of odd to me that you like my journal, since mostly I feel like I'm totally rambling. I guess I'm glad that it's fun reading, though.
I think another big part of it is though, that you aren't seeing most of my really scathing, self-pitying, angry bitching-someone-out entries because those I tend to post either privately just to myself, or under a really stringent friend filter so I can police who gets to see them. Just, y'know, so that I don't go on a rampage about how much someone is pissing me off only to have them find it someday down the road. Most of the time when I'm angry at someone or blaming them for something, I get over it pretty readily, so it's better to just vent it, move on, and leave no evidence. Haha.
But yeah, I agree that my life really is kind of a voyage of discovery, since I have *no idea* who I am or what I want. The idea of memory loss adds an interesting dimension, too, since I think that's a big part of it--we forget way more than we think we do, like sometimes when I'm bored I reread my journal and switch to a totally random day and I'm like *wow*, I totally forgot about that. I think that it's necessary though, like I think the reason I'm no longer homesick is because in a fundamental way I've forgotten the details of what it feels like to be home. And stuff like that. I dunno. But I do find that I feel really secure when I write in my journal, like I'm making a note of how I felt today to prove to myself that at least at the time, it mattered.
Haha. I understand that you're not an angel -- none of us is. It's the fact that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings unnecessarily that I find so laudable. I think most people just wouldn't care, especially in the heat of the moment.
I think I know what you mean about somehow validating your existence by documenting it. For instance I'm an inveterate list-maker, keeping track of everything I read, listen to, or watch. Aside from aiding my memory later on, it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something other than working, eating, and sleeping ...
I did e-mail you three SIGNUM pieces. Thanks for your interest : )
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branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 02:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-19 02:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-20 07:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-20 09:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-20 10:06 pm (UTC)At any rate, thanks for replying : )
no subject
Date: 2008-09-21 01:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2008-09-21 04:56 pm (UTC)About the project -- I appreciate your honesty, but you wouldn't be performing without a net. You'd just be comparing Word docs and GIFs to what's on the screens to make sure all the content is there and there are no bad (i.e., un-Spanish) line breaks. The copyeditor, Araceli, would be available if you had any questions re the Espanol and my daughter Angie who usually does this task would be available for help with the procedure. She's created a checklist I would send you along with the course materials when they're completed. I'd suggest you at least take a look at it before declining.
In any event, I hope you don't mind if I continue to read your LJ entries and cheer from the bleachers. I must've read a hundred so far and not once have you ever yet blamed anyone else for your problems or had an unkind word to say about anybody. That would be remarkable under any circumstances, but in the current Culture of the Victim it's damn near miraculous. And then you go and buy that bottle of water for the guy passed out on the sidewalk! It'd be very hard not to like you and wish you well : )
no subject
Date: 2008-09-22 02:49 am (UTC)That said, I can't exactly stop you. So if you feel like you get something out of reading my entries, go ahead, I guess. Also, I thank you for your offer, but I still can't accept it.
I'm sorry for having to respond this way, because you have not been unkind or threatening--but growing up in a culture of paranoia I can't help but feel off about it. I've dealt with a couple too many creepers on the internet before. Not that you're necessarily one of them, but you have to understand my caution and unease. I hope that you can understand it and see it's nothing personal.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-22 03:48 pm (UTC)I sincerely believed you fully expected "random strangers" to be reading and reacting to your entries. It never crossed my mind that anything posted online could even remotely be considered *private.*
I'm terribly sorry if I spooked you in any way. I hope you realize that was never my intent.
Thanks for the songs and everything I've learned about through you over the past month. As per your request, I will not be back.
Live long and prosper : )
no subject
Date: 2008-09-22 10:34 pm (UTC)So anyway, sorry about that. You are welcome to read my journal. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-09-23 09:07 pm (UTC)I did spend a fairly sleepless night trying to figure out what happened. Or, as you might put it:
intended compliment = exploding sack of fail
So I'm hugely relieved. Congrats on finding the job!
no subject
Date: 2008-09-23 11:53 pm (UTC)Yeah, I suppose you do deserve an explanation. It's just that about a year? (maybe two) ago, I started a correspondence with an older gentleman such as yourself, and it was really great at first, we had a lot to talk about and he was gaining my trust when suddenly he started asking me for my address randomly so he could send me things, and I said I wasn't sure I wanted to give it to him yet, and so then he started acting really strange--guilt tripping me and scolding me and it turned into threats, and I got really scared and my ONLY comfort in the whole thing was that he didn't have much way of finding me.
So when you first contacted me, and I wasn't sure of your motives, it was really jarring that you first off know what I look and sound like (from Youtube), and that you probably have a good idea where I am and how to find me from reading my journal. So when you seemed to take such a pronounced interest and have all these myriad ways of contacting me without my even knowing, it reminded me of the previous incident and I freaked out. Thanks for taking it in stride, I hope the situation makes more sense in that light. :)
no subject
Date: 2008-09-24 07:22 pm (UTC)Everything else you say is true -- I appeared out of nowhere and bumbled my way into your online life. (I still have no idea how AIM and Jabber work.) You're absolutely right to be careful. I couldn't possibly be offended by that.
As for me knowing about you from your journal: I'll be happy to tell you anything about me you'd like to know. You'll probably fall asleep reading it, but I'll be happy to tell you.
What I'd really like to know from you: Is Rai pronounced "ray" as in rain or "rye" as in Thai?
And, please, what the heck are arrowwhiskers? Are they like porcupine quills?
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 06:05 am (UTC)Also, arrowwhiskers means exactly nothing. xD Arrow is an old alias, that I obtained when I nearly killed a camp counselor during an archery event (by accident of course). I've been using it online ever since.
The whiskers part...I have no idea. It seemed like a cute word? Reminds me of kittens. <3
no subject
Date: 2008-09-27 10:38 pm (UTC)Thanks for the explanation. The "arrow" story is hilarious.
I've been thinking about your original reaction to my reading your journal. As in, "I don't get it -- why?" Even though I think you're since reassured that my interest is strictly benign, I think I owe you a better explanation of why I'm so enthralled.
1. The obvious: you have an immensely engaging and articulate narrative voice. I've read novels that weren't nearly as well written. Really.
2. As previously mentioned: you're thoroughly honest and always take responsibility for what's happening to you. And I still haven't come across a single instance where you're judgmental or unkind. You're quite simply exceedingly likable and extremely easy to sympathize/empathize with.
3. It's the thoughtful chronicle of a voyage of self-discovery. As in, "Who the hell am I?" I think it's this part that resonates most with me.
I think in life we tend to define ourselves by the roles we're forced to play -- usually as a result of the decisions we make, but not always. Son or daughter, sibling, friend, co-worker, parent. We evaluate ourselves fulfilling those roles. As in, "Crap, why did I say that? I'm not a very good friend." Obviously, though, none of those roles encompasses the totality of who we are. Yet we hardly ever end up asking ourselves, "What kind of a me am I? And what's his/her purpose?"
My writing project is a journal being written by a man who's losing his memory and is frantically trying to understand who he was/is before his "self" disappears. (Are we really just our memories?) While trying to record for posterity what he considers meaningful he goes on an intellectual quest to discover what knowledge is and why anything at all has meaning, all while sequestered alone in a house with a huge library, the books of which were apparently selected for this purpose.
I confess that, even though I'm not losing my memory -- no more than your average fifty-five-year-old, anyway -- there's a large autobiographical component about OCD ("Who am I if I'm NOT what I'm thinking?") and so on. And the library is real.
I posted a rah-rah comment about your first day of work but then removed it. As you correctly implied, I'm not one of your friends; and it felt wrong to act like I am. Sorry about that. I was/am sincerely happy for you, though. Naturally.
I'm up to June of last year in the archives.
I'd like to send you some lighter-hearted stuff I wrote a dozen years back about books and language for my now-defunct online zine, SIGNUM, all in PDF. I think you'd enjoy them. How can I do that without compromising you? Do you have an ftp client? I can post some files for you on a site my biggest customer has set up for me and my people to use on their projects. I just don't want to post the address and password in a comment. Will a message to you be appropriately confidential?
Of course if you're not interested that's completely okay. I won't be offended. I can imagine that you'd much rather be doing homework : )
no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 01:28 am (UTC)Also, I'd love to read it. You can either send me the link through LJ or you can just email it if you want, my email is silentforatime@hotmail.com
It is just kind of odd to me that you like my journal, since mostly I feel like I'm totally rambling. I guess I'm glad that it's fun reading, though.
I think another big part of it is though, that you aren't seeing most of my really scathing, self-pitying, angry bitching-someone-out entries because those I tend to post either privately just to myself, or under a really stringent friend filter so I can police who gets to see them. Just, y'know, so that I don't go on a rampage about how much someone is pissing me off only to have them find it someday down the road. Most of the time when I'm angry at someone or blaming them for something, I get over it pretty readily, so it's better to just vent it, move on, and leave no evidence. Haha.
But yeah, I agree that my life really is kind of a voyage of discovery, since I have *no idea* who I am or what I want. The idea of memory loss adds an interesting dimension, too, since I think that's a big part of it--we forget way more than we think we do, like sometimes when I'm bored I reread my journal and switch to a totally random day and I'm like *wow*, I totally forgot about that. I think that it's necessary though, like I think the reason I'm no longer homesick is because in a fundamental way I've forgotten the details of what it feels like to be home. And stuff like that. I dunno. But I do find that I feel really secure when I write in my journal, like I'm making a note of how I felt today to prove to myself that at least at the time, it mattered.
But yeah, anyway, I'd love to read your writings.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 08:53 pm (UTC)I think I know what you mean about somehow validating your existence by documenting it. For instance I'm an inveterate list-maker, keeping track of everything I read, listen to, or watch. Aside from aiding my memory later on, it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something other than working, eating, and sleeping ...
I did e-mail you three SIGNUM pieces. Thanks for your interest : )