Whoa. That's a scary story. No wonder you reacted the way you did. Thanks for explaining.
Everything else you say is true -- I appeared out of nowhere and bumbled my way into your online life. (I still have no idea how AIM and Jabber work.) You're absolutely right to be careful. I couldn't possibly be offended by that.
As for me knowing about you from your journal: I'll be happy to tell you anything about me you'd like to know. You'll probably fall asleep reading it, but I'll be happy to tell you.
What I'd really like to know from you: Is Rai pronounced "ray" as in rain or "rye" as in Thai?
And, please, what the heck are arrowwhiskers? Are they like porcupine quills?
Rai as in rye bread. I'm not sure how it came to be that way, since my real name is Rachel, but there you go.
Also, arrowwhiskers means exactly nothing. xD Arrow is an old alias, that I obtained when I nearly killed a camp counselor during an archery event (by accident of course). I've been using it online ever since.
The whiskers part...I have no idea. It seemed like a cute word? Reminds me of kittens. <3
Thanks for the explanation. The "arrow" story is hilarious.
I've been thinking about your original reaction to my reading your journal. As in, "I don't get it -- why?" Even though I think you're since reassured that my interest is strictly benign, I think I owe you a better explanation of why I'm so enthralled.
1. The obvious: you have an immensely engaging and articulate narrative voice. I've read novels that weren't nearly as well written. Really.
2. As previously mentioned: you're thoroughly honest and always take responsibility for what's happening to you. And I still haven't come across a single instance where you're judgmental or unkind. You're quite simply exceedingly likable and extremely easy to sympathize/empathize with.
3. It's the thoughtful chronicle of a voyage of self-discovery. As in, "Who the hell am I?" I think it's this part that resonates most with me.
I think in life we tend to define ourselves by the roles we're forced to play -- usually as a result of the decisions we make, but not always. Son or daughter, sibling, friend, co-worker, parent. We evaluate ourselves fulfilling those roles. As in, "Crap, why did I say that? I'm not a very good friend." Obviously, though, none of those roles encompasses the totality of who we are. Yet we hardly ever end up asking ourselves, "What kind of a me am I? And what's his/her purpose?"
My writing project is a journal being written by a man who's losing his memory and is frantically trying to understand who he was/is before his "self" disappears. (Are we really just our memories?) While trying to record for posterity what he considers meaningful he goes on an intellectual quest to discover what knowledge is and why anything at all has meaning, all while sequestered alone in a house with a huge library, the books of which were apparently selected for this purpose.
I confess that, even though I'm not losing my memory -- no more than your average fifty-five-year-old, anyway -- there's a large autobiographical component about OCD ("Who am I if I'm NOT what I'm thinking?") and so on. And the library is real.
I posted a rah-rah comment about your first day of work but then removed it. As you correctly implied, I'm not one of your friends; and it felt wrong to act like I am. Sorry about that. I was/am sincerely happy for you, though. Naturally.
I'm up to June of last year in the archives.
I'd like to send you some lighter-hearted stuff I wrote a dozen years back about books and language for my now-defunct online zine, SIGNUM, all in PDF. I think you'd enjoy them. How can I do that without compromising you? Do you have an ftp client? I can post some files for you on a site my biggest customer has set up for me and my people to use on their projects. I just don't want to post the address and password in a comment. Will a message to you be appropriately confidential?
Of course if you're not interested that's completely okay. I won't be offended. I can imagine that you'd much rather be doing homework : )
*shrugs* you can comment if you want, I don't mind. I'm just really bad about answering comments, most of the time.
Also, I'd love to read it. You can either send me the link through LJ or you can just email it if you want, my email is silentforatime@hotmail.com
It is just kind of odd to me that you like my journal, since mostly I feel like I'm totally rambling. I guess I'm glad that it's fun reading, though.
I think another big part of it is though, that you aren't seeing most of my really scathing, self-pitying, angry bitching-someone-out entries because those I tend to post either privately just to myself, or under a really stringent friend filter so I can police who gets to see them. Just, y'know, so that I don't go on a rampage about how much someone is pissing me off only to have them find it someday down the road. Most of the time when I'm angry at someone or blaming them for something, I get over it pretty readily, so it's better to just vent it, move on, and leave no evidence. Haha.
But yeah, I agree that my life really is kind of a voyage of discovery, since I have *no idea* who I am or what I want. The idea of memory loss adds an interesting dimension, too, since I think that's a big part of it--we forget way more than we think we do, like sometimes when I'm bored I reread my journal and switch to a totally random day and I'm like *wow*, I totally forgot about that. I think that it's necessary though, like I think the reason I'm no longer homesick is because in a fundamental way I've forgotten the details of what it feels like to be home. And stuff like that. I dunno. But I do find that I feel really secure when I write in my journal, like I'm making a note of how I felt today to prove to myself that at least at the time, it mattered.
Haha. I understand that you're not an angel -- none of us is. It's the fact that you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings unnecessarily that I find so laudable. I think most people just wouldn't care, especially in the heat of the moment.
I think I know what you mean about somehow validating your existence by documenting it. For instance I'm an inveterate list-maker, keeping track of everything I read, listen to, or watch. Aside from aiding my memory later on, it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something other than working, eating, and sleeping ...
I did e-mail you three SIGNUM pieces. Thanks for your interest : )
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
branchandroot
no subject
Date: 2008-09-24 07:22 pm (UTC)Everything else you say is true -- I appeared out of nowhere and bumbled my way into your online life. (I still have no idea how AIM and Jabber work.) You're absolutely right to be careful. I couldn't possibly be offended by that.
As for me knowing about you from your journal: I'll be happy to tell you anything about me you'd like to know. You'll probably fall asleep reading it, but I'll be happy to tell you.
What I'd really like to know from you: Is Rai pronounced "ray" as in rain or "rye" as in Thai?
And, please, what the heck are arrowwhiskers? Are they like porcupine quills?
no subject
Date: 2008-09-25 06:05 am (UTC)Also, arrowwhiskers means exactly nothing. xD Arrow is an old alias, that I obtained when I nearly killed a camp counselor during an archery event (by accident of course). I've been using it online ever since.
The whiskers part...I have no idea. It seemed like a cute word? Reminds me of kittens. <3
no subject
Date: 2008-09-27 10:38 pm (UTC)Thanks for the explanation. The "arrow" story is hilarious.
I've been thinking about your original reaction to my reading your journal. As in, "I don't get it -- why?" Even though I think you're since reassured that my interest is strictly benign, I think I owe you a better explanation of why I'm so enthralled.
1. The obvious: you have an immensely engaging and articulate narrative voice. I've read novels that weren't nearly as well written. Really.
2. As previously mentioned: you're thoroughly honest and always take responsibility for what's happening to you. And I still haven't come across a single instance where you're judgmental or unkind. You're quite simply exceedingly likable and extremely easy to sympathize/empathize with.
3. It's the thoughtful chronicle of a voyage of self-discovery. As in, "Who the hell am I?" I think it's this part that resonates most with me.
I think in life we tend to define ourselves by the roles we're forced to play -- usually as a result of the decisions we make, but not always. Son or daughter, sibling, friend, co-worker, parent. We evaluate ourselves fulfilling those roles. As in, "Crap, why did I say that? I'm not a very good friend." Obviously, though, none of those roles encompasses the totality of who we are. Yet we hardly ever end up asking ourselves, "What kind of a me am I? And what's his/her purpose?"
My writing project is a journal being written by a man who's losing his memory and is frantically trying to understand who he was/is before his "self" disappears. (Are we really just our memories?) While trying to record for posterity what he considers meaningful he goes on an intellectual quest to discover what knowledge is and why anything at all has meaning, all while sequestered alone in a house with a huge library, the books of which were apparently selected for this purpose.
I confess that, even though I'm not losing my memory -- no more than your average fifty-five-year-old, anyway -- there's a large autobiographical component about OCD ("Who am I if I'm NOT what I'm thinking?") and so on. And the library is real.
I posted a rah-rah comment about your first day of work but then removed it. As you correctly implied, I'm not one of your friends; and it felt wrong to act like I am. Sorry about that. I was/am sincerely happy for you, though. Naturally.
I'm up to June of last year in the archives.
I'd like to send you some lighter-hearted stuff I wrote a dozen years back about books and language for my now-defunct online zine, SIGNUM, all in PDF. I think you'd enjoy them. How can I do that without compromising you? Do you have an ftp client? I can post some files for you on a site my biggest customer has set up for me and my people to use on their projects. I just don't want to post the address and password in a comment. Will a message to you be appropriately confidential?
Of course if you're not interested that's completely okay. I won't be offended. I can imagine that you'd much rather be doing homework : )
no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 01:28 am (UTC)Also, I'd love to read it. You can either send me the link through LJ or you can just email it if you want, my email is silentforatime@hotmail.com
It is just kind of odd to me that you like my journal, since mostly I feel like I'm totally rambling. I guess I'm glad that it's fun reading, though.
I think another big part of it is though, that you aren't seeing most of my really scathing, self-pitying, angry bitching-someone-out entries because those I tend to post either privately just to myself, or under a really stringent friend filter so I can police who gets to see them. Just, y'know, so that I don't go on a rampage about how much someone is pissing me off only to have them find it someday down the road. Most of the time when I'm angry at someone or blaming them for something, I get over it pretty readily, so it's better to just vent it, move on, and leave no evidence. Haha.
But yeah, I agree that my life really is kind of a voyage of discovery, since I have *no idea* who I am or what I want. The idea of memory loss adds an interesting dimension, too, since I think that's a big part of it--we forget way more than we think we do, like sometimes when I'm bored I reread my journal and switch to a totally random day and I'm like *wow*, I totally forgot about that. I think that it's necessary though, like I think the reason I'm no longer homesick is because in a fundamental way I've forgotten the details of what it feels like to be home. And stuff like that. I dunno. But I do find that I feel really secure when I write in my journal, like I'm making a note of how I felt today to prove to myself that at least at the time, it mattered.
But yeah, anyway, I'd love to read your writings.
no subject
Date: 2008-09-29 08:53 pm (UTC)I think I know what you mean about somehow validating your existence by documenting it. For instance I'm an inveterate list-maker, keeping track of everything I read, listen to, or watch. Aside from aiding my memory later on, it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something other than working, eating, and sleeping ...
I did e-mail you three SIGNUM pieces. Thanks for your interest : )